Whay are so many people so mean about teenage pregnancy and unwed pregnancy? Im talking like age 16+?
I am a 21 yr old MARRIED mom of 2 and one on the way. I was NOT married when I concieved my first,and was 17 at the time. And have accomplished more doing things in the timline they were done than most of the ones that are making these comments to peoples questions all the time. So is it jealousy,stupidity,ignorance,just flat out being mean on purpose or what??? What does everyone else think?
Thanks everyone for the response!
Final thought: For the ones convinced of governments paying for it, in most cases yes thats fully correct. However My husband and I have no help, have had no help,and are completely 100% estranged from both of our parents trying to “break the cycle” per say. He has been solely financialy respnsible for me since 15 even with us living with my parents untill I was 17. So from 17 on we have been living on our own happily (now that we dont have to deal with our worthless parents). And talking about taxes..lol we do pay taxes…they’d put a lein on our house and car if we didnt (for the bright one that said that). As for the steryotypical normals of wanting to have waited…not a single second ever has that crossed my mind. I always had the desire to do all of this young and to let the onlookers gasp in amazement.the only thing that I wish I could change is our parents I wish they were decent.Since that isnt so, we just have to be that influence as well:
People are just mean and opinionated…it’s a bad combination, but’s thats all it is.
well sometimes it’s rediculous. i do understand what your saying though, but for instance i answered this one girl’s question she said she was 14 and pregnant. and that’s just asking for it.
everyone has their own opinion and they are entitled to it. but if you feel different, forget about it.
Because it’s an every day occurance around here.. And I think it’s sorta annoying. If the kid has a question they need to be asking their parents instead of asking some random stranger on the internet. Granted, I understand if they would be hesitant about asking their parents about them being pregnant. I think it all comes down to the parents. The parents need to be there for help their kids if something like that happens to them.
RELIGION. The fact is the younger you have a baby, the more health and less likely that kid is to have autism. just be a good parent to prove them wrong.
I agree, I look down on the people who talk bad about young moms. They can accomplish everything a 20+ year old mom can. I’ve seen it happen more than once, and I hate it when people think younger people cant raise a baby.
i dont think underage pregnancy is bad maybe u just really love the person and wanna have a child like come on i believe u and im on ur side like people come on no one gives a crap if someone has a kid when there like 60 so who cares if there 16
I’m 19, unwed and 37 weeks pregnant.
me&my boyfriend are very much in love, and are excited for our family to start.
I think it all stems from Religious Beliefs, Political Veiws, and Values&Morals people were taught at a young age. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion…but saying cruel things to a Teen Parent isn’t going to make the fact she’s pregnant go away…and alot of the times…they don’t know the full story…the couple could be entirely in love&excited about having a life growing that they made together.
its ignorance
who cares how old you are when you have a baby? like really, your already pregnant, so shut up (not you) and stop fussing about it because you cant change it!
my friends 16 and pregnant, im fully supporting her, because shes already pregnant, why be mad about something that cant change!
Because our tax dollars end up raising these babies.
When they are 16yrs old they have no job, no education, no husband, no financial stabilty, and dependents shouldnt be having dependents.
i am 18 was 17 when i conceived and being induced at 41 weeks tomorrow and i totally 100% agree with you when i first came to answers thats what i was looking for not criticism!
oh and for comments about the gov. paying for the baby well lets see me and my fiance have our own place pay our own bills so its not all about that. plus there are older people who have babies who live off the gov. its not any different!!
okay i better hush now or i will explode
I think it is a mix of stupidity and people who just like to hurt others feelings. I do believe that there are younger people that don’t need to be getting pregnant but if there asking questions they should be answered not ridiculed because at least they are taking an active interest in their child and it’s health.
Are you kidding? Hi, a 16 year old can in no way provide for that child the way an ADULT can. Regarding an unwed mother, if you’re an adult, do it up. But a 16 year old, COME ON. You can’t be serious. The things that teenager has to overcome compared to a 40 year old, that’s like comparing night and day. Your situation is great to hear, very proud of you. But not every teen is in your shoes. It’s not ignorance that makes us be blunt in a CHILD’s stupidity of getting pregnant at such a young age, it’s COMMON SENSE, and us ADULTS have seen people who have lived through it. We have the knowledge and experience to know the effects it has on youngins. Not to mention, REALLY, a 16 year old’s mentality and maturity is no where near an adults. So please, your argument is not sufficient. Although, there is no need to be harsh to a child, I do agree with that.
EDIT: I guess my point is simply this…I have many wed friends who are in there mid to late 20’s, some even early thirties, every one of them struggles, and they all make great money. The fact is, emotionally, mentally, physically, in every way, it’s common sense that a 16 year old is going to have it way harder than an adult, un-wed or even wed. You cannot say that it wasn’t shock and awe when you became a mother at your age. Can you honestly say it woudn’t have been easier had you waited? Because I have two friends, that’s I’ve been friends with for over 15 years who both had children in High School, they both have stated NUMEROUS times that they wouldn’t take back their child by any means, but wished they would have come to them later in life.
AGAIN, I have no issues with un-wed mothers, I do however, have issues with un-wed mothers who take advantage of the laws and systems. But if you don’t take advantage, have a good head on your shoulders, have graduated from High School at least, possibly even college, or have a career already started….more power to you. Empower yourself.
You people aren’t the victims, your the cause. Boo hoo I guess. If you can’t handle the heat, get out of the kitchen.
I think it depends on many things.
Take my mother for instance, if she heard about a 16 year old being pregnant she would think that the child (which they are until 18) will drop out of school, be a single mother with the grandparents (who are currently raising a teenager) will have to take care and financially support the grandchild. And in many ways she is right!
Not many 16 years can financially support themselves and a baby.
I understand… Although I don’t have any child, i was married at 17. Alot of people have critized me for getting married at a “young” age. But as long as your happy it should matter. IT’s like the Jamie Lynn pregnancy, nobody would of said anything about it if she wasn’t a celeberity. The media is acting like teen pregnancy is new. And I DON’T see anything wrong with it because Casey and Jamie Lynn are in love, and things happen..
it’s not approaite for teenagers to be pregnant. i’m 17 and i couldn’t imagine taking care of a little human being. i’m really good with kids. but i don’t want one of my own right now. maybe in 10 years. but if i did have one i would be the best mother i could. i don’t know why ppl post negative comments. i’m againist abortion (i believe in it only if for health issues, not because someone was stupid and didn’t think of the consequences). i don’t think teenagers should be pregnant though. but i don’t really know why.
As long as you love your child and act responsibly, it shouldn’t matter how old you are. How is a sixteen year old any less capable of giving their child the love and care they need than a 35 year old? Yes the resources may not be there but a child only really needs love to grow and be happy. Doesn’t it show responsbility when a young mother takes the time to ask a question and look for an answer? Isn’t she trying to educate herself and be a better mother? I think we have all seen parents of all ages mistreat their children. It doesn’t matter the age of the parents.
I understand where your coming from but everyone has their own opinion of things. Majority of my friends have kids and aren’t married. If they’re happy good for them.. I can honestly care less because like you said its none of anyones business. However, now a days teenagers are dropping baby like flies and most not all gets pregnant because they weren’t responsible enough to use protection. Think about how many kids were born and put up for adoption or get aborted because kids weren’t responsible enough. Again, if they need to ask a question rather then ask complete strangers who are going to state their opinion on teenage pregnancey its best to get advice from your parents or doctor.
i know what you mean im 18 married and pregnant with my second i was going to ask same question….evey1 just judges us on are age and not what were capable of doing there just mean rude and dont know much
everybody wasnot like that
i know I had my baby when i was 19 so i was pregnant at 18 and people would look at me like saying poor girl or stuff like that but really they don’t know how happy I am with my Lil family so really i just feel sorry for them
Alot of people are living in the past. Some people are just mean and opinionated and it makes themselves feel better when they put down other moms. Others go by what the bible says about being unmarried. I guess they didnt read the other part of the bible saying that Judge not, that you be not judged, and many other phrases.
I too was 15 when my daughter was conceived. Im now married (and to her father!) and expecting a little one. All while in college (which I graduate next year). No one has really ever said anything to me…except one women who said I was really young. All I can really say is ignore them because if you live your life by what other people say a large chunk of your life will be gone. Congrats on your new little one!
*Edit* By the way not EVERY pregnant teen relies on welfare. I have not ever been on any kind of financial assistance at all. NEVER! I lived with my mom because I had too, not because I wanted to. Both my now husband and I worked and went to school. WE paid for diapers, clothes, paid rent, and helped out with food while living there. Dont just judge someone because you THINK your tax dollars might be going somewhere where they are not!
Its becuase of all this earth day stuff out lately. If babies are born too close together, the worlds population can grow too fast.
It has been ingrained our culture that first you date, then you fall in love, then you get married, then you have kids. People are so narrow minded, and they do not want to accept anything that doesn’t fall inside of their little box. You just have to deal with the fact that people are like that, and be happy that you are a better person for not judging others for the choices they make.
i know exactly what ur talking about…i am a young mama
i was 17 when i got preggers and now im 19…but in my opinion getting pregnant gave me a reason to live and really did make me stronger. So for anyone who disagree’s they need to get with the new era and stick it where the sun don’t shine
Its not the age that is the factor its the maturity of the person. I know some people who had children in there late 20’s that shouldn’t of had kids. Plus why do people think we can suppress thousands of years of human behavior to change from having children from 13 years old on in just a few hundred years. Why do you think the human body goes through puberty so early. Maybe after another thousand or so years we can change puberty to start around 18-21.
i don’t see a lot of people being that mean. I do see people being concerned for girls that accidentally got pregnant or that got pregnant very young and don’t seem to understand what they are getting themselves into.
That aside, I see a lot more irresponsible young mothers with badly behaved children than I do irresponsible older mothers with badly behaved children.
The younger you are when you have your kids, the more likely it is that the home life will not be stable, that the family will have serious financial problems and that the kids will have a tougher time in life because of that. Furthermore, every woman I know who had her children really young later says, “I wish I had waited, even though I love my children.”
I waited to get pregnant because I wanted to be a grown up for my baby. I wanted to be done with my adolescence and my instability and be able to dedicate myself to being emotionally, physically, and financially as safe and secure as possible for my child. I wanted to make sure that I can provide every advantage to my child, and I don’t think it is possible to do that as a teenager.
and btw, you SHOULD be old enough to be a grandparent when your children are grown, because when your children are grown is when you become a grandparent.
Furthermore, one or two women here saying they don’t use WIC or welfare does not disprove the statistical fact that way more teen mothers do than older mothers, nor does the occasional teen marriage (about which I am not optimistic, tbh) does not disprove the statistical fact that they are more likely to be single, the kids are more likely to grow up without a father, more likely to be raised by grandparents, etc.
It’s a societal stigma just like anything else… It won’t change anytime soon. People assume that teen mothers are poor, uneducated, and on welfare without taking the time to look at individual cases. People on here are quite rude when it comes to things of that nature. People make mistakes, and life happens … time to move on. I’m sure the people who leave vulgar responses do so to make themselves feel better. Kind of a “well I don’t have much going for me but I didn’t get pregnant” kind of thing. Don’t let it upset you so much, I know it’s hard, but like i said it’s a societal stigma, and I don’t see it changing. Do you feel your life would have been easier if you hadn’t have gotten pregnant at 17? I know it’s a hard question to answer as saying “I should have waited” seems like you are wishing away your child. I’ve heard both sides of the story. My sister had three kids by the time she was 21 and she said she likes it that way because she “will still be young enough to enjoy life by the time they’re grown” I also have a friend who got pregnant at 17 who says she “should have been more careful because she didn’t realize how hard it would be.” I know she loves her daughter to death, but I also know that she now realizes (for her) life would have been smoother had she waited. Different people can handle things differently, and people on Y!A tend to see the world only in black and white. Many fail to see the many shades of gray.
I do know what you mean, people do lash out at teen moms on here. And in my opinion it really isn’t fair to judge someone you don’t know. But on the other hand, there is a big difference between being a teen and being older when having children. I am defiantly not the same person that i was back then and would not have been able to provide as well for my child.
People tend to bash and be mean about things they don’t understand or find “out of the norm” Thank fully not everyone is like that. There is nothing you can do about these people so let them say what they say and be glad you have more respect for man kind then to put people down
Exactly. Bottom line is, what’s done is done. No good can come from the negativity, it’s much more productive to give the best advice you can to those seeking help. I think it comes from ignorance. When people think “teen moms” they think of girls that go out and party while their moms sits home with her baby’s every night. Fact of the matter is, the majority of young mothers I’ve come in contact with do a better job than some of the older married ones at raising their kids. Doing research on things like breastfeeding, circumsision, vaccination, feeding practices, etc. People can’t get past the teen baby mama stereotype, it’s very sad.
I think you’re right I mean this isnt a political forum and I think that the pregnant teens or teens who think they’re pregnant come on here for helpful advice, not for criticism or hear “you’re too young blah blah blah”. Those people if they find these teen questions annoying should just look past it and don’t answer. I think for some women it is jealousy bc some women try to cocneive for years and then hear abotu these teenage girls that wind up pregnant by accident and feel like “why her?” I think it’s also ignorance, people automatically assume if youre a teen youll make a bad mother or leech off the system. so unfair to judge.
and yeah this IS the pregnancy section so teens that have a question about their pregnancies, or about symptoms of pregnancy etc., have a right to come on here and ask like everybody else does, and shouldn’t be shunned. Their questions are in the appropriate category. Those who want to elcture about taxes and govt. and welfare etc and teen pregnancies and what the govt isnt teaching kids these days about sex need to go elsewhere else. I don’t think these teen girls should continue to be bashed like this either and they don’t deserve it.
and on a sidenote, NOBODY no matter how old you are is really “ready” to become a mom when it happens for the first time. I am 24 years old, and feel young myself, and ask women who were like 32 when they ahd their first how it mustve been more natural to them or how they were probably ready and they tell me this too. Even some1 like Halle Berry who had her first at 41 still has to learn how to be a mother for the first time so it’s not easy for anyone and no1 is really “ready” and teen mothers can make equally good mothers too.
well im not saying this about every single teenager who has a baby, but many arent able to support their baby and do end up having a worse life than others who wait til their older, also their child will probally have more problems and so will the mother. i agree its not nice to be rude to anyone….no matter what age but i guess we are just angry that so many teenagers are getting pregnant because they arent being safe or smart when having sex(again this isnt all pregnant teenagers, but for the majority it is) im just 17 but thats just my opinion…im not trying to be rude, just saying why some people might be angry, even if you got pregnant for different reasons
It’s just other people’s overheated opinions, so just ignore them. If someone is not supporting themselves (having a job, paying their own bills, etc.) then they shouldn’t be having babies, no matter how old they are. If you are holdin’ it down, then you don’t have to explain yourself. Believe me, NO ONE is jealous of a pregnant teen. I thank my lucky stars daily that I waiting to have children.
i don’t get it either… if we say abortion they beg ‘keep it don;t kill it!” if we do the right thing and keep it “oh your SO irresponsible! shame on you! your just a stupid child!” i think they comment like this cause they’ve never been in our situations!
edit: i don’t intend on going on welfare either so all your “hard earned tax dollars” will be going to the 30 year old pregnant crack addict down the street and the piece of road that’ll cost 3 million dollars that guess what? no on really wants or needs!
edit again: ALSO i’d like to point out that (until he got badly hurt on the job due to someone else mess up) my fiance who just turned 18 had a job that payed 22 dollars an hour.
Well I somewhat agree with you. I do believe that having babies at a young age is very bad… because we end up paying for it… and not you. We pay taxes … BUT! If you do a good job then right on. If you can support your own baby thengood. I just dont like people having babies because they were irresponsible. Like being 16 and not using a condom or birth control.. thinking it could never happen… that makes me mad.
As for the marriage thing. I hate being judged because Im having a baby but am not married. I am 23 years old.. my fiance is 28 and we decided to have a baby. A lot of people on yahoo get mad at us because we need to get married and were ruining the meaning of marriage. Come on… we are going to get married when we will. It is none of anybodys buisness if i am married or not. We make enough and more a year in cash to be bale to support our baby and love each other dearly.
The meanness is directed toward immaturity, not age.
NO 16-year-old is financially stable enough to raise a child without some sort of help, be it from government or family. You can barely get a lousy-paying job at all at 16! Most of these girls didn’t even conceive with someone they can reasonably have a future with. The act of conceiving a child you aren’t ready for emotionally or financially, with a boy who is likewise unprepared, is stupid and selfish.
Society should not be responsible for the fact that these girls (most of whom get on here upset, and not excited about their pregnancies, and who can’t even type out a coherent sentence) lacked the common sense to keep their legs together until they were ready for motherhood. The anger isn’t just toward teenagers either, as far as I’m concerned. NOBODY, no matter what age, should conceive a child they cannot raise without welfare.
IF you have your finances together, and can provide a stable home for your child, power to you. the VAST majority of teenage posters on this board however are NOWHERE near that point. Most don’t even understand how conception works…and you expect me to believe they should be raising babies?
Im 16 and pregnant and i feel like people look at me everyday and look down on me for being pregnant at a young age. people say the goverment pay for all these babies. im 16 with an education, i left school long before i was pregnant and i have a full time job. my boyfriend is 17 with a full time job aswell, the yes i will be gettin maternity pay but if a 40 year old *Married* women was pregnant thats what she would get. we will be able to provide for our baby and ourselfs. people just look down on young mums and i think its quiet wrong. its legal to have sex when your 16 so why is it seen as a bad thing to have a baby at 16?
yeah your right people are ignorent…if it was the old days they wouldn’t mind i mean girls were having babys at 12…thats the problem now?…geesh…i get what your saying people just need to grow up….
I completely agree with this. I just lost my first pregnancy due to a miscarriage and I am 19. The whole thing is, I never asked a question and included my age because I do not feel that it should be an issue while answering my question. i think that when people do explain their age, they are asking for the negative attention.
I in no way feel that age reflects the type of parent you will be. No one can judge your maturity level & your life situation PERIOD unless they are walking in your shoes.
So amen to your post.
If the young parents are that much in love, then what’s stopping them from marrying? Raising a child needs serious thought, just because you are deeply in love, doesn’t mean you are ready for a child. All that love is gonna fade away once the baby is born, kids can’t handle the pressure. You are right about not making the problem go away by swearing at them, it’s just going to make it more complicated. Take for example Britney Spears’ sister, the kid is 16, gets knocked up by some lard ass, and now she thinks the child is going to go away on it’s own. Well, not everyone’s like that, but where there is one, there might be a hundred like it. I don’t get pissed off at kids who ask about pregnency, I encourage it. But when they come to sob about how they accidentally got knocked up, it really pisses me off. I hate their whining. People who think this is a game, are going to suffer. And to the guy who said kids should ask their parents, I’m 17, gonna be 18 soon, and to this day, my parents have never said a thing about sex. Well nothing but how it’s very bad and how it’s the devil. There are lots of parents who belive that discussing sex is bad. Their kids need advice, so others must understand their situation. Everytime I scream at some teen who got knocked up, I hope those who are going to have sex for fun are seeing it. Lot easier to say no than sorry. So now you know why we, atleast I, get made at teenage pregnancies. And to those who were/are teen mothers, you can regret your choices, but never regret your children.
first I would like to say that I don’t put them down. I try and be helpful because i am sure they are scared…BUT
To say age has nothing to do with how well they will parent,or how they will financially handle the responsibility is rediculous. I am sorry for those that were able to get their acts together and manage without government assistance then my hat is off to you. However, that isn’t the majority it is the minority. These children are exactly that children. It is upsetting to people who are already parents because they realize what it takes to raise a child and now how difficult it will be for a 14 year old to raise a child. Everyone is entittled to have an opinion if you aren’t ready for the bad comments don’t ask a question on a PUBLIC forum. Congrats you were one of the minority that was able to make it through having a some sort of support system I have to assume.
It is also frustrating to see a 14 year old trying to get pregnant because they think they are ready. In most states they can’t legally hold a full time job….so who is providing for thier child? Government? Parents? I can tell you it is probably a combination.
The problem with today is that children are so in hurry to grow up they forget to be kids. This world right now isn’t easy and by becoming pregnant at such young ages they are making not only their lives more difficult but their CHILDREN’s lives more difficult.
Just to clarify so you don’t think I am one of “those parent’s who will be a grandparent age when my kids are grown up”. I am 30 with two boys. I am married and pregnant with my third child. One thing you will learn is that as you get older your perspective and vantage point will change.
I wouldn’t necessarily assume that those that have bad comments for teen pregnancy are ignorant or jealous they just realize it was a bad choice and not an ideal situation.
**EDIT** to the person who said a child only needs love and support….you obviously are still very young and naive. Children need much more than that. They need a financially stable home which trust me isn’t run on love. Yes love is a vital element in parenting but trust me there is much more to raising a child then that.
“Other”
Most girls becoming pregnant at that age seem to end up on welfare, and never finish school, or they marry (the/some) guy and end-up worse off in a few years when the guy runs and leaves her the burden of several kids with no means of support.
The Fairy Tale ending that so many teen mothers seem enamoured with, is just that…a Fairy Tale.
You have ended-up the exception to the rule, and I congratulate you for it!
The other big issue is, regardless of how much baby sitting of toddlers a girl may have done, the vast majority of girls are NOT ready for the major shift in life that a child brings. Heck… most *women* are not prepared for it when it first happens.
Good Luck!
People have an opinion about every thing. Face it, everyone knows more than you do and more than you ever will know…
*rolls eyes*
I had my daughter when I was 18 years old. I never got any looks or any weird reactions to the fact that I was a young Mama except from an old man in a church I went to about a year ago. I just think they can all go f u c k themselves.
Bystanders will never know every little thing and detail about someone else’s life, their reasons for doing things, or the subconcious actions they make. We are ALL controlled by emotions in some way and the past affects the present and the present affects the future. We all do things without thinking it thru to the last detail because we CANNOT predict the future. Sometimes its okay to live in the moment and sometimes the biggest mistakes grant you the biggest blessings.
An older teen is still a teen, no doubt, however!! — there is a law saying 18 is an adult FOR A REASON. Given, many 18 year olds and older are immature and in some cases, more so than many 14 year olds, but that isn’t the point.
Be prepared to fight off criticism from any angle no matter what you do. Someone, somewhere will have a problem with your choices whether they are jealous, your lifestyle isn’t their ideal lifestyle, they want to put you down in order to get recognision for something they are doing, or to throw eyes away from them so people will be so into whatever wrong someone else is doing that they won’t notice the wrong they are doing. Its all hypocricy… we all make mistakes and fall short of our own potential. So what? Big f u c k i n g deal, live and learn and LET live and learn.